At Bible Study this past week, the leader asked us to share what had been going on in our lives. I felt so scattered. I wanted to share but I just couldn't voice it and felt like I talked a lot but didn't say anything.
We've been traveling for work for 4 weeks in a row, with plans to be out of town for 1/2 of this week. That will make 5 weeks. In a row. Eating out. Sleeping in a hotel. Being with co-workers entirely too much. Being away from home. It's a lot and I think it's got my mind running 1,000 miles an hour, feeling unsettled, uncertain and anxious.
I've got this over bearing weight of "what will happen next???" on my shoulders Things are going well. Really well. I seriously do not have ONE thing to complain about. But considering the track record of my life, especially over the past year and a half I just know that another hammer is about to drop. I, however, cannot continue to live my life like this. I do have a lot going on (I won't write about all of it...yet) but there's so much going on and there have been a lot of changes in my life over the past year. Mostly good changes. But...
Change is hard.
So, not only do I live in the past with re-thinking about all the events of my life, but I worry about the future. I worry about the next step. I've been able to take a deep breath for the first time in a long time, so long. I'm enjoying it but there are a lot of things in the future that I think about: relationships, the condo, the CPA exam, work, living...and on and on and on! That brings me back to living in the present. It's where Jesus is. It's where my thoughts should be. Where my thoughts should be. In the here and now.
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